So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be an atheist – about why it seems such a scary word to so many. It’s easier to say “I’m not religious” or “well, who knows what’s out there?” But to proclaim oneself an atheist is to cross some invisible line. It came to me yesterday that the reason for that has to do with how Atheists are viewed culturally. That is, that Atheism is perceived as an act of defiance against an existing God, rather than a simple statement of belief. Even in my own journey into atheism, I found it hard to say “I don’t believe in God.” This wasn’t because I secretly did believe. It was more because I thought it would be such a scary pronouncement, like standing before a king and saying, “oh, yeah? well, I don’t accept your authority!” Atheists in media are often portrayed as angry or damaged in some way – raging against a God they find unjust, or hiding behind the statement “there is no God” because they can’t believe that God could allow…. fill in the blank. But that’s not what it means to be an Atheist at all. It is just coming to a personal understanding that there is no God. That life is precious because I am living it now; and what I do today matters – not because of heaven or hell – but because I am surrounded by human beings whom my actions affect. It is a pronouncement that is meaningful, and honest, and carefully processed; but seldom defiant.

If I were there a second time

I’d look you in the eye

holding your gaze

pressing upon you the love I couldn’t say

or even fully feel

I would wrap myself up beside you

in a tangle of acceptance

complicated in varied

measures of allowances

If I were there a second time

I wouldn’t try so hard to forgive –

to round out the rough edges of

your vunerability

I would let you be naked – if even

for a moment – without squinting

to make the picture

just so.

If I were there a second time

I would do it better

I would hold your hand before I ran away

leaving you to your inward rot

and ringing hell

I would try

try to soften your skin

to press my palm against your cheek

to give you some pride

in the growing darkness

I did love you

but I would love you better

If I were there a second time

Life is like driving a car

Up ahead is the big picture –

the goal.

But the way, the way is blurred

with thoughts, like scenery that one catches in the peripheral –

so hard to hold on to.

Pulling over to pay them mind requires effort –

and excusing oneself from traffic is no easy task

Opportunities slip by unnoticed –

or realized too late.

So we shrug.

It’s important to keep ones gaze forward –

Stay focused!

But even all that road ahead –

the sheer vastness of opportunity –

even it gets lost in the monotony of a

journey devoid of notice